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User blog:Joeaikman/Joe's Rap Battles of Fiction Season 4 Episode 6 - Albus Dumbledore vs Miss Peregrine
Hi dudes and dudettes! Jk, as if any actual rl girls will read this, amirite? Except Legion, I mean. Legion is totally a girl. Anyways, getting off track. Welcome to the midseason finale of Season 4.0. How long has this half season taken to finish? 15 months. That is right. More than a year to write six battles. Well done Joe. You make TK look fucking prompt. So, in a season that has featured a grand total of six rappers that are in education, it is only fitting to end with this. Albus Dumbledore vs Miss Pergrine. Leaders of special schools for those that are considered peculiar. Both guide a teenaged hero through their story, and come across as all knowing and wise, whilst also opposing enemies close to their own hearts. Maybe we will even get some guest rappers appearing to battle it out with them! Just so you know, that maybe was a hint that there definitely will be a set of guest rappers appearing to battle it out with them. Anyways, I would like to thank GravityFag for proofreading, and Legion for helping with the writing of one of the characters. Miss Peregrine is depicted in this colour. Albus Dumbledore is depicted in this colour. Severus Snape is depicted in this colour. Guest rapper 1 is depicted in this colour. Guest rapper 2 is depicted in this colour. Guest rapper 3 is depicted in this colour. Igor Karkaroff cameo is in this colour. Madame Maxime cameo is in this colour. Guest rapper 2’s cameo is in this colour. Miss Peregrine This magician is late, aren’t your kind supposed to be on time? You like repetitive stories? Then you should loop your rhymes! I’m a kind and divine woman bound to a strict in-line routine, Book your dark themes and schemes against an Ymbryne! The bonuses you go for are more Forbidden than your Forest! If you truly have passion for fashion then get Horace on your closet! Maybe then you’d be less of a queer and Yoda like creature, Hollow on the inside, but not like Godric on the outside, either! Do you have the force of Aberforth? Be wordier than Percival? Or are you fated for the Hallow of Death like Ignotus Peverell!? You’re a Gaunt old man and death has surely taken you twice, Comb through your bead, friend, and remove all the head lice! My lines are cold, so pack a coat, mind your children are safe, For if Ofsted went to Hogwarts they would surely close the place! You employ dark wizards and frauds, and racists and marauders, It’s a wonder that dear Albus could keep any half sense of order! Albus Dumbledore Let me say a few words before I begin! Ratchet! Prissy! Weak! I’ve seen flyer magical creatures when talking to Fawkes or Buckbeak! Hogwarts is a place of safety for children to learn and to grow! (да) Your house is a constant bomb threat, let us just ask Fiona! (ooh la la) Wizadry isn’t a weapon to be used lightly against common foes, So in this struggle with a muggle I guess I won’t blow up her home! But flows shouldn’t cross or a priori opponent may resurface, To Lord it over my friends with an entirely murderous purpose! Your series is peculiar, a picture telling of Harry’s story, but rehashed, Except with realistic villains replaced with monsters, ghouls and ghasts, Predictable twists and turns, an invisible spine to the team you assembled, But they could never rise again once you had been captured and disabled! Would they avenge you? That’s the question that should always be displayed, Or would your brother prove too quick, I guess we have both been betrayed! We must have the ardour to go on, though for you it must be harder, For I was the one to tell Severus to do it! Avada Kedavra! Miss Peregrine The curtains close for Albus and this greasy snake steps in! Plot twist! Maybe call up Scamander and ask him where to find a Fantastic diss! I can organise rhymes in a methodical way and time them to perfection, Whilst you’re pining for a girl who preferred a Gryffindor’s resserection! Severus Snape Quiet, students! In this class I will not teach you how to swish a stick, But how to stick a priss bitch with the disses that I summon like this! Now I must match to the mantle of a man that I loved and adored, Mix dark with light to conjure up more charming lines than yours! Professor Ozpin Students, watch for a moment as I turn the clock back here in perpetuality! Beating bragging birds and badly behaving bitches with a taste of reality! It’s a battle of deans, and I am the beacon that you both strive towards! The Dark Lord’s at the door, did she die because you couldn’t protect yours, You ran to Dumbledore, but he tasked you with slithering into his graces, So you maintained yourself as a xenophobic, dark magic loving racist, Hid the fact that you are half blood, for that would always bring you shame, You call yourself a Prince, but I see no blue blood pouring from your veins! Let’s not forget the recluse who’s defences were breached by the ghasts, Take a Time Turner, friend, and carry on living well within the past! You couldn’t protect Victor or Abe, when they escaped your clutches, So have Enoch reanimate your rhymes to do this battle justice! Severus Snape You cower in the shadows of your plot, whilst I’m fighting Nazis, So stick Qrowing to the same rhythm, with all you Ozlluminatis! Any remnant of skill was lost when you were left reduced to cinders, In this tournament of rap it is Vytal that I be seen as the winner! Miss Peregrine I agree with the greasy Snivellus, how can you match with our art forms, When you couldn’t even match canes with an albino or Montana’s dwarf! Charles Xavier Cerebro senses a disturbance in the stasis of this race’s base standards, When it comes to birthing you, it seems evolution took a leap backwards! Occlumency against Dark Lords can’t stop me from seeing dark thoughts! They should cut the bathrooms and install more showers at Hogwarts! And perchance Pergerine might ponder the many plot holes in track one, Your messed up story could only worsen if I threw in Sam Jackson! MOTHERFUCKER! Calm down, Logan, we verse these morons in our mind, So let a telepath deduce what fakery this Wizard of Oz has to hide! You get your accomplice of a huntress on when your phoenix rises, But then lament the price of life when one of your students dies! If Peace is the way to push for equality, then keep your mind stable Or your victories will be pyrrhic, bub! A victim of Salem’s sable! Let the Professor roll in and demonstrate Manifest Destiny! Having two doctorates and giving you the third degree! Mentally refined, and I'm flawless as a chair bound mentor! I'll unleash an Onslaught as I shut you down like Lensherr! Professor Ozpin You’re the king of being Grimm, Martin Luther to the monsters You come back as a twin trope, I endure on through Oscar! Severus Snape Twenty points from Xavier’s school for the foolish acts you don’t veto! Whether McAvoy or Stewart, you can’t help but drool over Magneto! John Keating A wise man knows that caution should be employed when repeating A verse that is the reason for us to live, see you be beaten by Keating You should follow your dreams, whether that be what you are being Because, when it comes to wooing women, I find our language is fleeting Beauty should be seen in everything that we write, read or speak with wit And beauty is not what I see when I look through the verses that you spit I didn’t start any of my societies for the purpose of racial segregation I started them because, for me, poetry is the reason for love and inspiration And when flyting I take that on board, so I will precede to stuff you quickly Because I am the best! ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be! So respond to my claims, but remember what it means to be a teacher, Because I schooled all of you in time to enjoy a quick show at the theater! Charles Xavier Captain, O Captain, I sense that your ship is heading for the deep, For what kind of teacher shows their students how to act like a creep! Betrayed by those you saw as friends, despite the many years difference! Since kneeling when others command it seems to be your deference! Professor Ozpin Well, if you disagree with his methods so, why not call in your rangers! For, whilst I shield RWBY and JNPR, you throw your students in danger John Keating Ozpin is correct in his ways, children should be allowed their experiences! Whilst you take away their pryde, and force rogues into seriousness! You and Severus expect these children to save the world over and over, All I want from mine is to see them happy and ready for their futures! Severus Snape Your pretentious lessons didn’t work, you surely see it and know it, So put a noose around your neck and make a second dead poet! Miss Peregrine Well that was a pretty petty display, but it is time for a conclusion, With this one single line I can make all of you into my students! I am confident in my abilities whether win, draw or maybe even lose! We have each said our piece, now it is up to the audience to choose! Who won? Albus Dumbledore Miss Peregrine Professor Ozpin Charles Xavier John Keating Category:Blog posts